It jest amazes me how folks today cotton up to doctors and dentists. Seems like ever time you see someone, theys talkin about goin or comin to see one or the other. When I was comin up, you didn’t see a doctor ceptn it was a real emergency or had an agony that you couldn’t put up with no longer. And you most never seed a dentist unless you jest couldn’t find no body to jump a tooth. And I hear folks talkin bout home-care. Way back then, we had home-care too, and the doctor, nurse, and therpist was all rolled into one we called Mama.
Like I say, it was rare indeed to call fer a doctor, but I do recall once when Aunt Ann sent fer the doctor to see Uncle John cause he’d got kicked by Ned the mule. Now, to tell you how it was — Uncle John and Ned wuz as ornery as any man or mule could be, and when you put em together, it seemed they was doubly ornery.
Whenever Uncle John was plowin with Ned, Aunt Ann wouldn’t let none of the children within a half-mile of the field they wuz workin cause of all the cussin goin on. It was somethin to hear — Uncle John cussin in his tenor mountain twang and the mule hee-hawin some blasphemous protest all at the same time. But to get back to what I was sayin about Uncle John gettin kicked, as I knowed it, it took place after Uncle and Ned come home one day from plowin, jest about dark.
Neither one of em was in good humor. Fact is, they both wuz fit to be tied. While unhitchin Ned, Uncle John wuz mumblin a string of words not used in Sunday school. Ol Ned, it seems, had had bout all he could take and had a lot of pent-up emotions. He wuz huffin and snortin with a full head of steam. Jest as Uncle John dropped off the trace chains and plow lines, Ned exploded and threw a flyin double kick, bustin up one or two of Uncle John’s ribs. He was in some powerful agony, and Aunt Ann feared he was about to drop off this earth and sent fer the doctor. Well, the doctor came by and gave him some easing powder, and in a month or two, he turned right well. There wudn’t any everlastin effects from that incident, not physically anyway. But after that, Uncle John and Ned the mule always looked sideways at one another, both fearin the other was plottin murder.
Speakin a dyin, all my father’s folks had a morbid interest in death, at least it seemed that way to me. Anytime somebody took to their deathbed, my aunts and uncles, Granny, and the children that was near growed all rushed over to gather round the sick. They’d sing hymns for however long it took fer death to drag em off. Now, they were dead earnest about what theys doin and thought nothin of settin up all night jest so they could witness the scene and give first-hand news that the death angel took another one.
These things usually went off quiet and respectful like. But I do recall one settin up got ugly when one of the women accused another woman’s husband of stealin a cake durin the night. It was over before it really got started and all seemed to have been settled by the funeral, but a real mindful body might have noticed that one of em was missin a patch of hair and the other walked a little funny.
My folks wuz good mourners too, and theys always preciated at funerals. I spect it was some of my kin that was doin all the cryin and slobberin when Lazeras in the Bible died. Some of our women folk got to where they could might nigh faint and fall out at will. And when they went wobble-kneed, that was the signal it was time for several of the men-folk to grab hold of the fainter and drag her to the mantle board for a whiff of smellin salts. Then Aunt Flossy fell out. Now she was a mighty fleshy woman. Fact is, Paw said she would dress out on the heavy side of 400 pounds. But anyhow, after she swooned and went down at the graveside of the mayor, our men folk insisted from then on that she showed her grief on her feet.
Well sir, I never did develop appreciation fer the morbid like some of the others, but I shore liked goin to funerals cause I knew the Garrett women was gonna put on a good show and there’d be plenty to eat. I reckon that’s where the sayin, “a dinner and a show” came from, and I’ll tell you the truth, me and some of the local gals had plenty a cheap dates goin to wakes and funerals.
Like I wuz sayn, way back then, folks didn’t know much about dental hygiene, and most everybody thought a dentist to be a waste of good humanity. Like the most of us, June-day Jordan (his mama called him that cause he was born one day in June) usually got a family member or neighbor to take out a tooth. But on one occasion, June-day took a notion he was gonna jump a tooth out hisself that was hurtin and makin him nervous and grumpy. Now, to do it right, you got to have a square nail, not one of those spindly wire kind. You take the nail and set it squarely against the ridge of the tooth and knock (jump) it out with a hammer. Most everybody that ever had a tooth jumped said it didn’t hurt all that much. Well, anyhow, June-day found out he wudn’t so good at jumpin. He wound up missin the nail and broke his nose.
Usually, there was somebody in the community who got good enough at tooth-jumpin that he took up the profession. When I wuz a boy, we had one of the best jumpers around. He wuz so good, he could jump the most stubborn tooth before his patient knew it. Ever once in awhile, he might run into one that didn’t jump the first time, but by and by hed get it to jump.
Joe Ed Oakes went to get a jaw tooth jumped that had pained him for a month or more. As it turned out, the tooth was so rooted in his jawbone that it didn’t jump out with the first lick but took two or three more. I asked Joe Ed if it hurt. He said, “H_ _ _ yes it hurt! It bout made me want to stick my head in a bucket of hornets and fergit who I was!”
If’n you wuz down to one of your last grinders, the jumper usually tried to save it if he could. In order to kill the nerve, hed take a wire and heat it till it was red hot, and then hed take that wire and jam it in the hole and kill the nerve. That’s sumpin you don’t want to see every day. One time June-day (you know, the independent man with the crooked nose) asked me to help him kill off a tooth nerve. I guess he was now shyin away from do-it-yourself dentistry. I told him I had never done it, but I didn’t think it wuz beyond my capabilities. Well, I heated up the wire in the fireplace until it was glowin white-hot and proceeded to lower it into his mouth.
I wuz doin jest fine until he flopped his tongue over gainst the wire. He cleared the chair with a bloodcurdlin scream, cussin and fumin, and hoppin cross the floor all at the same time. I declare, he wuz doin some of the finest cloggin I ever seen.
In workin through the pain, he kicked his old lady’s cat slap out the window. She jumped up and slammed a piece of stove wood upside his head. That kinda made him fergit his pain and raised up a right colorful bump. Well, I’ve been told that blessings sometimes come in disguises, and I reckon this was one of those times cause she knocked his tooth slap out. I never had a chance to ask him, but I reckoned he could have used a bucket a hornets along bout that time.
Well, reckon I got to go now, but y’all keep yer plow in the ground and make yer furrows straight.
J.L. West – Author
This article and many others found on the pages of Roots and Recall, were written by author J.L. West, for the YC Magazine and have been reprinted on R&R, with full permission – not for distribution or reprint!
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